in the youngling. He’s tall, funny, smart, and so so cute. Make that cute, with quite a side of hot. He’s got a nice, solid body and he’s strong and a good dancer. Of course, he seems conflicted about wanting or not wanting a relationship and hasn’t shown any interest beyond friendly but hey, he hasn’t expressed or indicated any averse feelings either.

I spent some time with him and another good friend of mine and I just like him all the more. I know a little more about him now and I like those things. We even talked a little about sex and I got the sense that he’s at least somewhat open-minded. I was worried about that. I wasn’t sure I was ready to have the “I’m not vanilla” conversation.

Beyond that, I just like him. I like that he’s confident and not afraid to say what he thinks. He comes across as an ass occasionally but I’d rather be with someone who is willing to speak up and he’s absolutely down with that.

I actually think I may feel more comfortable with him now, which means I can let down some of my guard. I’m thinking I’m going to just have fun with him, flirt outrageously, and just enjoy him as much as possible. Of course, this could seriously backfire. By not being honest about how I feel, he could write me off completely, thinking whatever I do or say is only in fun.

So my plan isn’t perfect and, honestly, doesn’t feel entirely ethical. I much prefer the truthful approach. But I’m too scared to say anything yet, I just can’t put my heart out there and risk rejection. I also want us to be able to be friends and continue dancing together. But, basically, I’m just a big scaredy cat.

p.s. Reading back over this post, it’s obvious there’s something going on. This is some of the worst writing I’ve done in a long time. [sigh]