That’s how I feel about my life right now – as if I’m just a mildly curious observer. Well, sort of. The part of me that is present feels like things are just happening without any conscious direction and she’s only making a half-hearted attempt to keep up. It’s like I don’t really care what happens, as long as it’s nothing too catastrophic.

This is totally unlike me – what the fuck is up?

I can’t muster the motivation to continue writing my book or start working on the business plan I talked over with my SBDC counselor. She loaned me an excellent workbook to help me get started and I haven’t even cracked it open. Well, that’s not entirely true. I did copy all the information from the CD to my laptop. And that’s it.

I feel like I just don’t care about anything. Again, not entirely true. I care about working, but only to the extent that I want to get a paycheck. Other than that, it doesn’t matter anymore either. Things aren’t bad, or exceptionally stressful, I just couldn’t give a rat’s ass.

I feel numb.

Perhaps I finally just got to the point that I had to separate myself a little or just collapse. The past year was so difficult and stressful, maybe I’m interpreting the absence of that stress as detachment. Or maybe I’m just giving myself time to NOT be worried about things. Maybe it’s emotional and mental exhaustion that has quite been un-exhausted yet. I don’t consciously feel that bad off, but who knows?

Honestly, I don’t even care about what I’m writing about.