It’s been a long long time since I posted. I’ve been catching thoughts and feelings in a couple of other places, but I like coming here when I’ve got a lot to dump or am feeling particularly grouchy.
And I am feeling grouchy. At myself. l’ve been working this part-time gig at the local comm coll for the past year. It’s a decent gig, not gigantic pay, but it’s been a lifesaver. I’ve applied for the fulltime position that’s open in the office, but the hiring process has slowed to a crawl and it’s all been on hold while we wade through our busy season. I applied back in mid-December, it’s now end of March, and interviews haven’t even been scheduled.
It’s frustrating for two major reasons. First – because I’m part time, I tend to be more flexible with my schedule than I probably should be. I should just pick 20 hours a week and say ‘no, can’t change my schedule’. Actually, I’m being unfair. My schedule was pretty set for a while but our busy season has dictated some changes. I also got the okay to work more hours, so I’ve been trying to pick up a few (not as many as I thought I’d be picking up for reasons I will get to). Secondly, I still feel in limbo with regard to my working situation. Without having the question of “full time job or part-time job” settled, I feel like a spastic amoeba. That’s the job-related frustration.
I also somehow managed to pick up some clients through my personal business. Clients who actually want me to work and have projects for me to do. And I feel like I’m failing them miserably! I’m only managing to put in a few hours a week at best and all three could use probably at least 5, one could use 10. Two of these are paying me more than I’m making at my part-time gig, although I have no benefits. The other is sort of a favor for a friend.
I’m also still doing my volunteer work, managing a collaborative book project, trying to socialize, keeping up my business/volunteer network connections, and dance a little. I remember this time of year last year was insane also because of the same reasons – busy season at work and budget season at the city (requires more effort on the volunteer front). I also was out of town for 3 days at a dance congress, which I’m still not sure was worth the money or time.
I feel like I’ve taken so much on my plate that things are slipping – that unloading one thing is critical, two would be better. But I don’t know what to unload, yet. I get home and have no energy for working (or little energy). I go to bed early and am getting up later than I need to. I’m not eating well, not getting quite enough exercise, and not giving myself any space.
The best thing I can say is that I’m not winding myself up with the “why don’t I have a relationship?” question at the moment. That’s a pretty big plus, but not enough to balance all this other stuff.
I need a couple of days with no commitments to settle myself down, I think. Or maybe one or two good work sessions will help.
