for months and months, because it’s a return to my online journaling/venting and I have been trying to avoid that too. But I’m going to write something and maybe that’ll get it out of my system.
Yesterday, I took a few moments to meditate and connect and I realized that my fundamental belief for many years has been that life is hard. I made the decision to start shifting that to life is fun, but this type of shift takes a while to internalize. Today, life doesn’t feel fun. I feel distressed, overwhelmed, and that everything I should be doing is slipping away from me. It feels like my life has so many missing pieces that are always moving moving moving – that never settle down – and I can’t even track them anymore.
As I try to write this, I find that I can’t even figure out what to write. It’s like the writing is totally useless and irrelevant, in addition to being whiny and complaining. If I decided to shift my thinking, how do I bring that shift to the forefront when I feel like this? Even my latte is bad today. I’m sick to death of having these same thoughts, feeling these same feelings, coming back to the same place in my life – uncertainty, instability, lack of safety. What have I done to myself?
