Maybe

I need to just admit that it feels like things have been hard for a long time now. I came across this article yesterday and felt tears welling up in my eyes. Almost every word describes how I’ve been feeling for a long time now. I’m writing this post just as a note because it’s all too easy for me to get caught up in trying to describe the feelings, the reasons for them, my opinions about them, and self-judgment I create about all of it.

What I’m trying to do, right now, is simply recognize that I’m feeling confused and awkward and ill-fitting and confused and directionless. Just recognize it – not qualify it or judge it or make a plan about it or try to think myself out of feeling it or quantify it.

My intention when I woke up today was to notice all the times I’m not fully present, and now I’m adding this to it. My intention for today, and the next many days, is to notice when these feelings arise and acknowledge them.

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